Moments
by El Dorado
Summary: There are moments Leehalt regrets...


**Moments **

**By: ****El Dorado**

**Notes: Angst, kind of pushes the Pg-13 rating…**

**Warnings: Mild Yaoi, Slight Necrophilia (kissing the dead?), Violence**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Wild Arms**

_Leehalt gave a strangled cry as he drifted slowly into consciousness, as he was slowly thrust into the pure agony that ravaged his body. His hand, a mangled mess of flesh and dried blood, clawed desperately at the ground beneath it. He panted, chest heaving as he struggled to grow accustomed to the pain. _

_Moments which seemed to last forever finally came to an end, and his agony became nothing more than a faint burn. Leehalt allowed his head to loll over to one side, despite the sparks of fire it sent surging through his body. He surveyed his wounds with a morbid sense of curiosity. Dried blood coated his clothing, making it a stiff constraint, but even then, his bleeding would not let up. Blood still flowed freely from deep gashes in his body and splattered onto the ground which was now painted red. _

_He had no idea how long he had been unconscious but it must have been a while since his blood had dried under the sun's vicious rays... How was it that he still had any of the life sustaining fluid left? How much blood did a person actually have flowing through their veins? Leehalt groaned… such thoughts made his stomach lurch. He wanted so badly to vomit but could not muster the energy… he was completely wasted, practically on the verge of death._

_What does a man do when he's about to die? Try to save himself? Leehalt chuckled, a gesture which ended in a sickly cough. He was battered, bruised, broken… wasn't death inevitable? What else could he do but wait…?_

_It was strange how happiness never seemed to last. No matter what small amount of pleasure Leehalt had found in life it had always been snatched away from him. Now death, like a cold, iron hand threatened to take it all. The pain, the joy, the hope… his life as a whole… Even the bliss Leehalt had attained just recently. _

_Yes, bliss… just recently he had found his own private paradise. For once in his life he had friends…friends in the form of a belligerent woman and distracted young man. Melody had remained nothing more than a friend; her constant bickering had made her a hassle to deal with at times. But Malik, he was perfect; he was agreeable and if a little unfocused, endearing nonetheless. Leehalt had fallen in love with him almost instantly… He had been crushed by Ekatrina's betrayal but his new found love had healed his pain and Leehalt was left with nothing but bitterness towards her…_

_Bitterness…like everything paradise was not perfect. There were moments; moments he regretted, moments vivid in his mind that he wished he could bore out of his heaven. _

_There were moments when he'd say terrible things to Melody so that she would stand rim rod straight and her hands would tremble as she reached for a cigarette she could not see through unshed tears. He would accuse of her of being a half-friend and a backstabber and she would deny it so furiously that her voice would go hoarse. She was right of course… and he had been wrong. _

_There had been moments when he'd call Ekatrina's name as he drew shuddering breaths and spilled his warm seed deep inside of Malik; not in throes of passion but afterwards, as his wit returned, out of spite. He would talk of his love for the woman incessantly, lying superbly and watching as the shining admiration in Malik's eyes dulled over time. He had lied and Malik had believed him._

_He had done all those terrible things because he was weak and afraid. He had done those things because he feared betrayal to the point where he would grow sick thinking about it. He had tried to push his friends away… to see how far they would go and if they would return to him like obedient pets. And even after they had proved themselves time and time again, he would continue his abuse so that if they did leave then he could claim he hadn't cared. _

_Looking back on it now, Leehalt felt like an idiot. It was stupid of him, he realized. He could never compare them to Ekatrina and Werner; they were loyal. Malik and Melody were true friends… they had been true friends… It was his childish fear that had caused this… It was his fault that he was laying in a pool of his own blood…_

_Tears rolled down his cheeks and Leehalt wiped them away with a decidedly less shredded hand. It was pointless to cry now… What he had to do now was apologize. A flicker of hope lighted his whole being. It was true… he could apologize. After all, he had managed to survive the explosion… Why couldn't they have had the same luck? _

_Leehalt squeezed his eyes shut, perhaps preparing himself for the journey. How far could they be? They had been standing a mere foot away from him when the explosion had occurred… Still, in his ragged state to be able to travel even a couple inches would be miraculous. He had to try… _

_With a pitiful cry of pain, Leehalt managed to tip his body to one side, letting gravity do the rest. He landed on his stomach and a mixture of sand and blood crept into the jagged cuts on his body. For a moment he was unable to do anything but scream as he was sucked back into pure agony. _

_Even as he recovered he was hit with doubt… He had no idea where they could be… Still, he held on to the fading light of hope in his heart and dragged himself along, his tattered limbs slowly propelling him forward. The pain was horrible and his journey was accompanied by a symphony of shrieks. He had no idea how far he had traveled when he found her…_

_Melody was dead… He knew it from the second he saw her sprawled in across in such a helpless position. She had always put up such a strong front… and she truly was a strong woman. Leehalt smiled grimly. Her strength was admirable but hadn't spared her from death. _

_Leehalt crawled closer and studied her face. She had the strangest expression on her face… like she hadn't a care in the world. Blood trickled from her head but the rest of her was untouched. She was looked serene for once in her life and her white dress was completely spotless. Leehalt brought a trembling hand to her face and gently stroked her cheek. Blood smeared on the cold skin but she didn't move at all. He didn't know why he did it. Humans were frail things… They were destroyed so easily. But was there hope for a person's soul even after the body was gone? Maybe she could hear him…_

_"I'm sorry Melody… I'm sorry for everything…" he whispered. There was no reply as expected but the silence drove Leehalt into a panic. What were the chances of Malik living when Melody hadn't? Should he wait with Melody or seek a lover who may be already dead? Seeing Malik dead; it would crush him… make the strange sinking feeling in his heart intensify until he would welcome death gladly. _

_For an instant, he considered either side of the argument but the instant passed quickly. This was not a matter to consider; he hadn't a choice. His heart was telling him what to do. He'd go find Malik. _

_Wincing in pain, Leehalt managed to lean forward and kiss Melody's forehead. He watched her for an instant hoping and wishing before dragging himself away from the fallen woman. _

_Leehalt's efforts grew weaker and weaker as he pulled himself along. The blood loss must finally have gotten to him. He shook off a sudden dizzy spell and continued his journey. Suddenly, Leehalt froze… _

_There he was; Leehalt could see the strands of blond hair waving in the wind. He crawled faster… he needed to see Malik if just once more. But he began to feel a bit less hopeful… His worse fears were soon confirmed… Malik was indeed dead. _

_The body before him was cold and lifeless but still beautiful in a way that was so like Malik and yet so wholly different that it made him sick. A thin stream of blood flowed down the side of Malik's face, staining the porcelain skin scarlet. Blond hair was dyed crimson with the same liquid. _

_Leehalt's pale hands reached out to stroke Malik's cheek. It was cold… deathly cold, and while scientific learning told him to expect such from a dead body… this was Malik and experience told him that Malik would be warm… a warm, delicious boy that felt wonderful in his arms. He pulled his hand away from the icy flesh with a grunt of disgust. _

_He could not believe this had happened… one moment everything was almost perfect and the next there was nothing at all. Leehalt sighed, hesitantly pressing his fingers against Malik's face trying to ignore the cold. He traced Malik's silken lips, blood moist on his fingertips. _

_A little voice in his head told Leehalt that Malik was bleeding internally. That the blood dripping from Malik's slightly parted lips had come from a crushed organ or two. However, he ignored this voice of reason and gently laid his body upon that of his dead lover._

_His could feel his hot blood flowing onto Malik's already bloodstained clothing seeping through to rest on the frigid body of his beloved. Dying on dead…Leehalt leaned forward, and without a second thought eased his mouth onto Malik's lips. _

_He tasted blood… purely metallic yet sweet in its bitter taste. Moaning, he deepened the kiss, feeling his own life slip away. He was surprised that he had held out for so long…His heart felt broken, shattered into a million pieces; shards, grains, specks. Yet he didn't know if his prolonged life was a blessing, or if God had forsaken him once more… _

_God.__ Thoughts of god instantly conjured images from tragic nightmares. A blue figure in a dark cloak, the metal demon of folklore he hadn't believed in… No, Siegfried wasn't God… he was a demon, a terrible demon. Siegfried couldn't have helped, could he? Either way, it was too late now…_

_Leehalt pulled away from Malik, gasping for air. He looked down at the younger man, heart filled with regrets he hadn't had before. It was his fault this time… like many times. Tears streaming down his face, Leehalt leaned in towards Malik's mouth once more, this time claiming the man's lips more ardently._

_"I love you" he rasped over and over even as he explored Malik's mouth. However, his pleas were lost, smothered as he moved his mouth passionately across the frosty honey of Malik's lips… unheard as they grew weaker and weaker. Leehalt gave one last shudder, finally slumping against Malik's chest, lying silent and still. _

The clicks and beeps of the computer brought him back to reality and Leehalt gasped, wincing at his most recent injuries. He clutched at his stomach nursing wounds that panekia would strive to heal. The wounds were deep, bullet wounds, from weapons as familiar to him as possible. Duel pistols… the Maxwell trademark.

Seeing Werner had brought back so many memories. None were pleasant. He had blurted things about Ekatrina. Things about the only woman he had loved. Had loved. He had blurted things about that woman and gotten scolded by Virginia, a girl spawned by people he hated more then he could explain. He didn't care… wounds would heal and her words had not been anything even remotely upsetting.

It had been his words; his talk of Ekatrina that had been upsetting. The way Malik had squirmed despite his efforts to stay apathetic and the way Melody had looked at him when he thought he wasn't looking… that had upset him profoundly.

"Malik, Melody…"

Melody halted her work and turned towards her leader with a look of confusion. "Yes, what is it Leehalt? We are working. Malik has left me in peace for once… and I am striving to work on the generator."

Malik, who stood nearby, nodded in agreement. "Yes, Melody's working and I'm not hassling her. Things are exactly as you would want them."

Leehalt gave a small sigh. "No, Malik, you are mistaken. Things are not exactly as I would want them."

Melody furrowed her eyebrows in disbelief. "What is it exactly that you mean?" she questioned somewhat hysterically. "I checked and rechecked everything. How could it be that something is amiss…?"

She staggered about like a lost animal, flitting from console to console before flinging herself onto the largest and clinging to it to support her as her legs gave out. "How could it be?" she questioned once more, this time more fervently.

Malik shook his head watching the woman with a mixture of pity and amusement. "Melody, you have always had a flare for over the top dramatics." He turned away from the Melody just as she flashed him a frightening glare. He faced Leehalt, stepping closer to the man. "Leehalt, you don't mean with the generator, do you? No of course not, you said just instants ago that that was going fine… Now please tell her that, or I think our dear Melody will keel over dead."

"Melody, nothing is wrong with the generator," stated Leehalt plainly.

Melody flashed a familiar frown. "So you just felt like giving me a terrible scare… you just felt like tormenting me for no apparent…"

Melody's tirade came to an abrupt end, as Leehalt placed his hands on her thrashing arms, pinning them at her sides. She attempted to speak but found herself at a lost for words. She stared into the man's eyes for a trace of anger or something identifiable but found nothing. For a moment they stood like that, until finally Melody managed to choke out, "What are you going to do to me now?"

"Nothing… I'm not going to do anything to you," replied Leehalt somewhat dejectedly. "I just wanted to let you know, that you've been a good friend and that I care about you a lot."

Melody did not respond. She stood still, staring at Leehalt like he was something foreign to her. She opened her mouth, once, twice before clamping it shut again. Finally she spoke. "Are you done with me? I'd like very much to get back to work."

Leehalt could feel himself growing angry. "I know you'd like to get back to work but I will not allow you to until you say something," he yelled shaking her so furiously that her teeth rattled.

Melody yanked her arms out of his grip and with just as much intensity screamed, "What do you want me to say?"

"Say something… anything at all! Talk to me…" Leehalt made desperate hand motions. "Melody, do you believe me?" he demanded suddenly.

Melody looked as though she had been struck. She couldn't answer… she couldn't. "I… cannot answer," she managed to blurt; "I cannot answer because I have work to do. The generator is two percent from completion and… I refuse to waste time answering petty questions."

With that she stormed off, almost sprinting, running away from a question in a way she would normally define as shameless. Leehalt let her leave, he could have run after her but it was pointless. Instead, he whirled around to face Malik.

With out a word of warning, Leehalt yanked the younger man to him, pressing Malik against his chest almost roughly. Malik squirmed slightly against the man's body but his actions were halted as firm hand was pressed against the small of his back.

"I love you," he whispered fiercely, running a large hand up and down Malik's spine. "Tell me… that you believe me."

Malik did not; but rather he opted for snuggling into the embrace. Frowning, Leehalt pushed Malik away, holding him at arms distance. "Tell me… that you believe me when I say that I love you. Tell me that you believe me," he demanded once more.

Malik was quiet but after a moment he shook his head. "I can tell you that I believe you, but that would be lying."

Leehalt smacked Malik across the face, a loud crack resounding through the empty room. He cupped Malik's chin roughly, running a calloused thumb across Malik's reddened cheek as regarded the younger man's face. Forcing Malik's chin upwards, he claimed his mouth in an almost vicious kiss.

He nipped at Malik's lips until black droplets of panekia welled up from small cuts and he could taste it. He could taste the difference… it wasn't anything like blood, but was worse, thicker and putrid to taste. It shouldn't have come as a surprise; they weren't human anymore, after all…

Leehalt could feel Malik's body trembling and he realized that Malik was crying. Sobbing, actually, sobbing… All the anger vanished and the all the brutality melted from the kiss till it was something gentle and comforting.

Slowly breaking the kiss, Leehalt stared down at Malik. A faint pink mark streaked across his cheek and tears streamed from his cerulean eyes. His lips, slightly parted and still as enticing as ever, were swollen and bruised. Gently, Leehalt placed his lips on Malik's forehead.

"I just wanted so badly… for you to believe me…" mumbled Leehalt somewhat apologetically.

Malik nodded slowly. "I wanted to be able to believe you too…"

Leehalt sighed, releasing the younger man from his grip. "I'm sorry…"

Malik nodded once more and walked away. Leehalt did not chase after him either. Again it was pointless…

Leehalt stood there for a long time, thinking of his life. Heaven… death… then hell. For this was a hell; where those he had cared about did not know he did. It was a half-life… his humanity was gone. And it was all part of Siegfried's plan… he had to terraform Filgaia not only because of debt to the metal demon but also because their own lives depended on it… Siegfried's gift of new life was not really a gift so much as a means to get his own way…

"Hey, what's up with the leader of the almighty prophets?" questioned a rather condescending male voice. "Better yet what's up with his two lackeys?"

Leehalt turned to face Janus Cascade, glaring at the man. "Is that what you see Malik and Melody as? Nothing more than my minions?" he demanded angrily.

Janus nodded curtly. "You treat Melody like a slave, forcing her to work and criticizing her while she does and you treat Malik like a favored sex toy, screwing around with him and then completely ignoring him. With treatment like that, of course they're nothing more than your minions."

Leehalt's golden eyes flashed dangerous and he mumbled a spell under his breath. Instantly, Janus was enveloped by a wave of searing blue lightning. Janus let out a shriek and staggered back against the wall. He fell to his knees, slumping down to the ground so that he was on all fours.

Janus was now howling. It was no longer the sound of a human in agony, but rather became primal. He was dying it seemed, burning to death. It was a pity actually, the man was rather charismatic and he was necessary for the terraforming…

Janus was screaming less and less now… he was writhing instead, clawing at the ground and bucking madly… Leehalt could smell the distinct scent of burnt skin and yet he would not let up… After the things Janus said about Melody and Malik mercy would be hard to give…

But it was deserved. Janus did deserve mercy and Leehalt gave it to him as the other man began to claw at his own body desperately, as if trying to excise the Gias bomb. He did not stop because he cared about Janus's well-being nor because he needed to transform Filgaia, rather he did it because Janus was right. He was being honest despite the fact that Leehalt could not stand to admit it.

Gagging on the smell and taste of charred flesh, Leehalt blinked back tears as he thought of Malik and Melody. The pain scrawled across Malik's angelic features and the harsh words Melody had said in a voice that sounded like breaking…

Leehalt smiled grimly, swiping at tears he had not realized he had shed. For it seemed; that even now there were moments he regretted, moments vivid in his mind; moments that he wanted to bore out of his hell, as well.


End file.
